Thursday, August 12, 2010

Feeling defeated!

I feel like the world is crashing down. I wish I could relay to you through the computer just how I feel. I'm writing this, sobbing. I'm as low as low gets right now.

We weren't submitted today. The later it gets, the harder it will be for us to travel. Now I feel like I may not only have to stop our adoption of Makayla, but that I may lose my own beautiful baby as well!
I feel like He is just being cruel to me. Dangling girls in front of my face, but just out of reach. I see other families that have DS kids dropped in their laps, and we lose one after another.

Now I get to go up to the hospital looking like crap, and answering everyones question...Whats wrong? Is everything alright.
No nothing is right!


  1. Lord, I pray that you would give this mama perfect peace. Keep Makayla safe and healthy and heal Jaxson Lord. Heal him here on earth. We know that you have a hope and a future for each one of us and your plan is perfect please help us to understand and cope with what ever that plan may be. Help us to give the situation entirely to you God. Your will be done. Hold everyone in this situation and give them peace. Let the doctors know what to do, let the parents know what to do, let the orphanage directors know what to do. I pray that until they can get there to be with Makayla that you would have someone over there that loves her and shows her favor. I pray you would bless this family and all involved. In Your perfect name we pray. Amen

  2. oh lacey!!! all i can say is i am thinking of you, praying for you, for jaxson, for makayla and for your whole family!!! sending great big hugs!!!

  3. ((((HUGS)))) Hang in there, Lacey...

  4. Oh Lacey,
    I am so sorry to hear that you weren't submitted today (any reason why?)
    We will keep praying for you. I know this is so stressful. I hope that you are filled with peace and strength to overcome the negatives.
    Love & hugs to you...

  5. I know that it is SO DIFFICULT when we have to go through tough trials, and it's so hard to keep our faith and find thankfulness during these times. BUT.....(there is always a but).....each trial we go through makes us stronger, and in the end there is a perfect purpose in all of it.

    I have found myself so low throughout trials and wondering "WHY?!".....and when the trial is over I realize that good had come from all of it. It's so difficult to see the "why" of all that you're going through, but God's plan is always better than our own! I believe that trials are sometimes brought to us so that we learn to put our trust in all situations...and to learn to praise and thank Him even when life stinks!

    Some day you will look back on all of this and understand the reasons behind things turning out the way that they did. In the meantime, try to trust that everything will work out in the end. And, lean on others for support and comfort....we love your family Lacey and we are here for you!

    I'll be praying hard and thinking of you often! Hang in there! My heart breaks thinking of the stress that you are under, but I know you will persevere! HUGS!!!

  6. (((Lacey))) I have no words. Just love.

  7. It's so hard to have faith when we don't know what the Lord knows. He promises us time after time that he will never fail us, though. Just hang on! I'll be praying for your family.

  8. So sorry. I can't imagine! Hang in there.

  9. I can't imagine what you are going through but, just know that we are thinking of you and praying

  10. Oh Lacey - I am crying with you. Please stay strong. Prayers and hugs to all of you!

  11. I know it feels like you're bein tested but Lacey don't give up, You've come this far and I know it seems like things are now taking forever. But remember Makayla is not going anywhere, she is waiting for you so don't give up on her. She is waiting for her mommy and you will be there soon. Just hang in there, God works in strange ways, I am sure he has a plan. Just don't give up. Thinking of you and sending you loads of love.

  12. We don't understand God's timing but HE does.

    On July 10, we went over to get our son after a LONG struggle here with roadblock after roadblock. We fully anticipated bringing him home. We got there - and because of a court feud... we had to leave Aaron behind. It couldn't be resolved. It was horrid. We sat at home until 4 days ago not knowing if we would be able to go back.

    We now have a court date (August 26) - PRaise the Lord. We wondered why it happened this way. Others come flying in and are now leaving with their kids and we got sidelined. It took a toll on our family and the shock of falling in love with Aaron and then just abruptly leaving tore our hearts in two.

    But after being home for the longest month of my life in pure stress and terror that we would lose him...
    I am now beginning to understand why the Lord chose to have us sidelined. The reasons are getting more clear as days go by. God's bigger plan has brought me to my knees in surrender. I know that as we look back on this period - we will marvel how all worked in His plan in the most perfect way. I'm seeing hints of it day by day and it stuns me.

    Waiting is hard. Being sidelined is hard. Your struggle is triple what ours is as you watch two children suffer on two ends of the globe. But God has it under control.

    When I was at the worst - someone put on my blog:

    "Rest - He's got this"

    It is not my theme song... He does have this...

    Julia Nalle - Adopting Aaron...

  13. Lacey - so many are praying for you. Faces you will never see in person. God hears those prayers. Rest in Him. He, as Julia stated, does have this. Let it go. Surrender this to Him, please. The burden is to great for you to continue to try and own. Jax is coming home. Your other boys need you too. Find the joys in your life right now.
    Hold onto those. Jaxson's life is precious, and you are doing such a good job of continuing to care for him. Makayla is also okay. This adoption will finalize - and you will look back on all of this and see it for what it is - an attack, a test of faith. A mix of both perhaps.

    Sending our love and wishing we could offer more - but committing you and Jax to prayer - DAILY!
    Charrissa Browning
    adopting Matthew and Ivanna

  14. I wish I could say something amazing to make it all better, but that is not to be. So many people have given you such wonderful words and they have really touched my heart, as I know they will touch yours. You are such an amazing person! just keep putting one foot in front of the other, it may take a bit longer, but you will soon find yourself at the finish line. Hugs to you and your family!

  15. Praying for you and ALL of yours, Lacey!